An Answer to Vortex Forces and the Necessity of Relaxation

After work today I was incredibly stressed. 

I was done with the day of doing things and all I could think of was what more I should be doing. This is something I’ve had problems with many times in the past. As I thought more about what I should do, it became framed in my mind as something I should do. And since I didn’t have energy to actually do it, in my mind I felt like I had failed in the day.

Or in other words, I had excess energy, vortex forces were in effect which caused drag, collapsing into a depletion of willpower/endurance.

A long time ago I wrote about the necessity of finding hobbies. What I really need is any activity that relaxes me. Video games, reading, cooking, anything that can get me away from thinking about what, in my mind, needs to be done. Anything that gets me out of my head, where I’m constantly saying “ I need to be doing more.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger talks about this in his autobiography - that sometimes holding on too tightly can cause you to fail. 

Tonight I downloaded a video game. I got some Valerian root tea, initially to help with sleep, but it did relax me a lot. I cooked. And that was a good start.

I think that planning it out in advance is key. Usually I just start wasting time on reddit and looking up random stuff. Which is fine. It’s just for ME, that doesn’t get me off of the habit project. And not having readily available go-to’s doesn’t help.

Hobbies are great - but they have to be ones that I don’t want to include in this project. And that’s problematic, because I do want to do so much. Many things are “sticky” for me - they get me thinking immediately on how I can master them, and I think it’s why I’ve steered clear of so many. I need some that I can essentially throw away (I discuss this a bit here). 

Cooking seems to be one of those, but it can be very exhausting. Programming was actually super relaxing when I was following lessons on Code Academy. General learning on Khan Academy was also relaxing. Right before I started this project I took a lot of notes (I’ll have to look them up) on relaxing, and one thing I discovered was that I genuinely enjoy learning…it de-stresses me.

Having my mind off the project seems like it’s a huge key TO the project. That forgetting, the time off, actively knowing when enough is enough, seems to work to reduce this drag. And some people even seem to consider relaxation as a willpower manufacturing process.

In any case, it’s great to see old ideas, like this and my recent post on Pavel and Mircrocycling, come back into the fray once again.

Depletion and Vortex Forces

I started getting more into this Progression Dilemma…but while I started writing about it a few concepts emerged that I’d like to define first.

Vortex: I described periods emotional flux through the habit/mastery process in THIS RECENT POST. Feelings include needing to do more, feeling you should’ve done everything years ago, anxiety, depression, panic. The urge to hop ahead and start trying to improve in multiple arenas. These feelings can be compared to its opposite but equally detracting phase Depletion, Ego or Endurance, where you feel drained of energy. In a vortex progress slows because you feel ripped a part by the need to do it all. In a depletion phase progress slows because you feel emptied of energy. I’m not sure if these are the best names, but we’ll keep it as such for now.

Vortex/Depletion Forces: Why add “forces”? I think of it as making it into a sliding scale. When you’ve entered a Vortex or a Depletion pocket it’s almost already too late. The forces may be in action far before - for example, when focusing all energies in one skill like writing, Vortex forces will increase if you’re surrounded by people who are working on physical exercise. You see people progressing physically, they may make some comments like “you should really at least get out, or eat better” and you’ll have this urge to start improving - you feel like you’re not improving on all vectors, which can eventually lead into a full on Vortex where all progress slows. The same dynamic can occur when pushing TOO much, manifesting in increased depletion forces.

**On a total side note, I’m horrible at naming, and fully intend on going back and really thinking about apt descriptors for these concepts. The more I think about it the more all of this terminology seems to mimic aerodynamics, and I might need to pillage jargon from that discipline.

Negativity in Task Reductionism

My initial view of this project was to collect data on habits, and later on self development and mastery. From the data I was hoping that rules and maxims would emerge. Mind you I don’t exactly know the exact difference between rules, laws, maxims, and theorems, etc… but I feel that they have started to emerge.

One recent one is what I’m calling the Law of Task Reductionism.

And I’ll define it like this:

If a complex task is not broken down into its component parts, failure becomes a negative emotional reflection on one’s character.

The corollary to this law is that :

the chances of failure (defined as failure in improving the skill, loss of efficiency, and as abandoning the endeavor in general) increase substantially

Per Timothy Ferriss’ DiSSS protocol, the reverse seems to be true. That when complex tasks are broken down, individual aspects can be improved upon with relative ease, and “mission success” and efficiency increase substantially.

I’ve found this to be the case in my current cycle of improving my writing. When faced with a writing task, things can get emotional. I fumble, efficiency is lost I get nervous, and though I’ll get the task done, it comes with it a large amount of questioning as to my abilities personally and needless expenditure of emotional energy. But when broken down, I’m surprised by the amount of progress I make in relatively small amounts of time.

Character attacks are a critical problem in this type of self help. You push writing, and people mention how much weight you’ve gained. The habit mania - the urge to do multiple tasks all at once (which has little chance of success) increases. And with it comes cycles of worthlessness and other emotions that prevent stability of practice.

When a task is just a thing, not a reflection of who you are, emotions subside and you’re able to progress calmly and steadily.

Which brings me to my Maxim of Character Reductionism:

Do not associate tasks you approach for self improvement as a reflection of your character. This disassociation prevents habit mania and promotes rapid improvement.

Weekends Off?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the off time regarding this project. A lot of sources highly encourage things like taking weekends off to prevent to boost productivity for the week. Other sources also highly recommend increasing the value of time off with things like hobbies - Warren Buffet plays the ukelele, Bush oil paints, etc.

These are, perhaps, two separate issues but they’re only getting more distinct as I mull it over in my head. For weekends off, on one hand, it seems antithetic to my project. A habit is something you do automatically with regularity. Ideally that means every day because the more regular a task is the more (presumably) benefits you’ll reap. Automatic tasks don’t sap will, so why take weekends off?

There are some counters to this. Certain tasks are a pain to do and do take energy no matter if they are habits or not. The act of sitting down to write is automatic, but actually working through editing a text is hard. And presumably that’s because I’m not just executing a habit, I’m also working on a difficult skill, which does sap resources. 

It becomes more and more clear that all of this isn’t just 2 dimensional graph, it’s at least three dimensions with various phases. And rejuvenation may not just be needed for habituation, but it may well be needed for increasing in skill towards mastery.

So perhaps habits not yet in 70′s or 80′s can be dropped on the weekends. After all, the more I do a task, the more it gets to be a superhabit. But once it’s a superhabit, I’m on the skill/mastery track. Perhaps weekend habits can be maintained by doing something fun and easy - a fun bit of writing, a walk for working out, a pinterest safari for marketing, etc.

But another argument for weekends even while forming a habit comes from the SRHI. It’s pretty hard to gauge whether it feels weird NOT doing a habit if you’ve never not done it. A weekend away from habits can, at some point, be a proving ground for that feeling, gauging its strength.

The worry with all this is getting so exhausted that all of it collapses. I’ve been taking more weekends off in year 2, and I’m still wondering if it should be a part of my schedule. Definitely hobbies and regimentation and not worrying after work will help. But I have to wonder if this is another hole in the system I need to plug in.

A Few MORE Thoughts on Regimentation

If we were to define Regimentation it seems as though it consists of a few aspects:

1) Focusing on the task at hand to the exclusion of other tasks
2) Not clinging to tasks after their appointed time
3) Rest and Relaxation (which ties into number 2)

To accomplish this I need to, for 1) have a list of tasks that are completely broken up to their most basic composite actions. That helps me start and forget with ease because I don’t have a hesitation when I start a task - it has already been decided beforehand. The progression and movement forward has already been decided upon. I often worry about what comes next, and that frequently happens in my free time.

But the tasks need to be broken up correctly.

For example one task I have is formatting a blog post correctly to my new website. That’s not an accurate assessment and the structure of that to-do list results in immense frustration and (not to mention willpower leaking all over the place) It’s built into the structure because I’ve planned it improperly.

A better to-do list involves what I really had to do. I had to find a movie clip for the overview of the post. I had to figure out how to stabilize the video, how to select and move clips, how to do a good transition. I’ll then have to figure out why the original video didn’t work in the post preview. Proper planning and breaking up tasks results in a mental feeling of winning. Something I don’t have now even if I’ve worked for hours on something.

That’s the beginning of a task and its execution - for the ending I need to, as I said in a previous post, have a set time - I can’t just keep working and working - that causes a blurring between “work time” and “off time” - and that usually results in me banging my head on the table feeling I’ve failed at life. This also results cheat meals and exhaustion throughout the week, destroying other habits.

The next part of regimentation involves forgetting. How do you forget? Dynamic meditation can be used to stay in the present moment after my habit sequence is completed. My tendancy is to replay and worry and go on tangents about work in my head throughout the rest of the day. This is difficult but might be an unusual case where my habits can actually back each other up, especially if I increase the number of times I do the dynamic meditation habit.

A second strategy is to find some hobbies, which I have severe problems coming up with on the spot because I almost always want to fully master them and put them through the habit formation process. The hobbies have to be casual - HERE’s a site for finding a hobby, and it’s something I’m going to have to think more about.

Another aspect of regimentation is to delve into viewing it as a capacity, like Endurance, Willpower, or Grit.

I’m sure a simple Likert scale could be constructed with questions regarding the ability to stop thinking about tasks outside their appointed times, absorption of other tasks during their structured time, the strictness of work time versus free time, having hobbies, absorption and relaxation index of hobbies, etc.

Why is this important? Because it solidifies it as a skill that can be learned, like habituation or grit - and it formalizes it as such.

Regimentation Part 3: The Fog of Fear & the Repulsion of Planners

In a previous post I took a pic of old habit notes I had from high school and discussed my habits in middle school. I was really bad at them. But that’s ok, I’m getting pretty good now.

Another thing I was really really bad at despite trying constantly was planning. Planning ANYTHING. I had so many planners, but it was really difficult for me to keep to a schedule - it was almost like as soon as I wrote it down something would emerge from me, a perfect procrastinator who would see it as a challenge, preventing me from finishing a task when it was scheduled.

And I still have this difficulty. There’s an almost nebulous revulsion that arises when someone tries to pin me down to something for, say, next wednesday at 4 pm. I start immediately squirming and grasping for ways to at least have an exit should I not want to go to a date when the time comes up.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time trying to nail down tasks for the next 6 weeks. I believe that one aspect of this project that I’m lacking in is week to week, month to month progressions. I should know what I want to accomplish for a month, and how, week to week, the sub projects contribute to that overall goal. And how that goal progresses to the future. Which is essentially the realm of planners.

When I did this a great fog arose in my mind - like some subconscious part of myself was trying to erase the focus for the task of planning. It was agony, which was pretty hilarious. I take this as a positive sign a la Stephen Pressfield - when he talks about that quality as being a compass pointing north - it tells you exactly what you need to work on.

So I need to work on this, and I have to believe that if implement it correctly, I can improve my regimentation ability. Should this be a separate habit? I can see it as a Sunday task, sitting down to plan out what I need to do for the week and course correcting. It would certainly give me the opportunity to experiment to see how only doing a task once a week affects the habituation process. It’s something I’ll have to think about.

Regimentation Part 2: Pesky Tasks and R&R

So what should I do?

For one, I need to stop planning in a goal-oriented manner. That means not planning with goals in mind, but for quality time. Like the post I linked from James Clear on Zanshin, everything is aiming. So how do I aim? Start with a small amount of time - in short, it’s recognizing that fighting through difficult pesky and small tasks IS the battle, not some sort of failure before the real struggle.

That can definitely help mitigate that frustration if I know my frustration is solid progress forward. But an equally important ability is to leave work at the door and relax. I think that capacity is something I ignore because A) I always feel like I’m behind and B) I don’t really have many hobbies or relaxing activities. Almost everything I do slides into a desire to want to master it. I bought a calligraphy book and pen a few weeks ago, and I want to master it fully. I started biking, which I used to do purely for fun in high school to get out of the house, and I start thinking about it in terms of steady state cardio. Games get me frustrated a lot of the time. And watching TV shows on my computer often is me just staring at the computer screen like with work AND often has me reaching for something else to do.

This capacity of regimentation seems to me to be equally important as endurance and grit. It’s a handoff - if you have bad regimentation then you’ll leak willpower. Leaking willpower drains endurance - it’s harder to stick things out long-term if you can’t establish success in day-to-day tasks.

Regimentation Part 1

In a previous post I talked about how regimentation, habituation, and mastery are the three different parts of the self improvement process. I’ve talked almost exclusively about the last two - Habituation is the thrust of the whole project what with constant SRHI scores and Mastery is something I talk about a lot when it comes to overcoming skill plateaus.

But I’ve largely ignored describing regimentation - though initially I talked about it a little bit (HERE, HERE, and HERE).

I have severe problems with the mental framework of regimentation, and this severely undermines the structural integrity of this project. What do I mean?

I have an inability to move from one task to the next during the day without carrying the worries of one to the next. I have problems delineating the line between work and relaxation. Lydia has repeatedly suggested I take up a hobby, but I’m largely incapable of doing something purely for the fun of it and not subsume it for some sort of larger project of mastery.

I also have great difficulty in properly planning out a week with tasks that need to be done. I often make the mistake of planning things out in terms of objectives that need to be completed, and biting off way more than I can chew. This results in immense frustration and tension.

For example, yesterday I took some time to plan out the next three weeks in regards to launching a new website. Today’s task was to format one draft of a post. Unfortunately various small bits of that work caused me great difficulty. Italics doesn’t show up properly. The post videos and photos don’t show up properly. I have to edit down the video using software I am not familiar with.

Because I’ve planned it like this the task becomes difficult to win. I’ve programmed goal-oriented thinking with process oriented thinking, which means failures at small points make me frustrated because I feel like I’m failing, and because of that ending time for work extends out for the entire day. And I end up collapsing, “failing”, giving up, but with immense mental self flagellation, which drains all my willpower, preventing me from having a “springiness” of self. It makes other tasks later in the week harder to start.

I just saw a meme about DragonBall Z:

It’s a funny Reddit meme about a fictional martial artist, but basically it illustrates training. Each part is incredibly important - not just the training, but the recovery time and “feeding the machine.” Arnold Schwarzenegger also advocates this in his autobiography. He trains hard, but he warns against grasping too hard. Worrying about tasks causes you to work against yourself - when he works he plays and has fun as well, which contributed in his successes.

Taking Days Off

Yesterday I took the day off. 

It was fantastic.

I woke up late because I had problems sleeping. But then instead of just getting grumpy and not doing anything I went out to grab lunch. Then we went to an arcade. Then I talked to my friend, then went to check out an archery place to see if we could practice on their shooting range. It was too busy, so I ended up playing ping pong.

That entire day was effortless and fun. Normally I’m so tired after doing my habits - it’s been taking a toll especially since I’m not only adding new habits, but I’m trying to break out of what I view are several plateaus. I just don’t have the will to do more later in the day - especially since some habits take a lot of will, and that sometimes takes a long time to finish.

Lydia takes weekends off, and she urges me to do the same. 

I feel bad about it today, but I wonder if it’s a good thing to recharge me. I don’t think that it would be good for habits I’m trying to form, because the greater the frequency the better the scores for stabilizing the habit. But what about superhabits?

I’m still mulling this over. 

Active rest is a huge part of exercise cycles - shouldn’t it be a part of habit cycles? But more so the point of doing all of this is to help me better experience life - isn’t having a fun Sunday a part of that?

I don’t know. 

Relaxation as Willpower

Self-Discipline in 10 Days has given me a lot to think about - it’s probably the best book on discipline I’ve ever read.

One small thing it did was equated relaxation with willpower.

Now, I have often thought about the relationship as indirect.

When I’m afraid I’m not relaxed. And when I’m afraid I cannot focus - it’s times like those where self-sabotage and procrastination really kick into high gear. By relaxing you are better able to think clearly - you clear the of fear, and you have enough wherewithal to make a decision to act.

I don’t know if relaxation really relates to more willpower in a scientific sense. Certainly a number of studies have showed, via depletion tests like unsolvable puzzles and Stroop tests that subjects tend to get tense and irritable.

But I don’t care - I think it’s just plain useful to think of relaxation as willpower because it means a lot of the stumbling blocks disappear when you use it to “summon” more will.

Using basic relaxation methods (a few deep breaths, relaxing tension points like jaw muscles and my shoulders) as an automatic method to combat times when I feel my will is being depleted works, and should be implemented along with other methods, like repleting blood sugar and watching funny youtube videos as a matter of course.

Lowering the Bar to Fight Pefectionism

The last few days were ground breaking in terms of dealing with perfectionism.

One of the exercises Self Discipline in 10 Days suggested was to write a mediocre email to a friend - which hit home because I usually double and triple check all my emails.

I blew up the other day when making mistakes in cooking like I usually do, so I decided to cook  two meals where I said from the beginning - “I’m going to cook an average meal”.

The real ground breaking thing was doing it for work. Normally my writing is fine - but the problem is that I double and triple and quadruple check things to eternity because I think that “upon this one assignment the rest of my career lies.”

The problem with that mentality is that it makes me procrastinate - I get paralyzed. And in this case, there are other checks - The editor likes me, it’s a decent article already, I have good photography, the editor can reword things, I have a working relationship with the publication, and it’s going to be translated immediately into Chinese. It’s also an unknown publication in the West.

My career does not ride on this not in any way shape or form.

Yet I block my workflow for days trying to chip away at this.

So I wrote a rough draft, made a few changes, and that’s it. Done.I’m not saying I handed in a horrible article. It was good. But I ended up cutting out a lot of the mental stress that usually goes into the process.

Here’s what I need to work on - 1. make a list with specific small tasks. 2. do more of the “average task” exercises. 3. come up with a workflow. Another technique that I should nudge into motion is the idea of rewards that are partial points to a bigger reward.