Day 793

Day 793 Record Keeping
Day 765 Fixed Meditation (24 min)
Day 639 Writing
Day 179 Rowing (30 min/ 5000 m)
Day 17 Pantry Check (65)
Day 15 Recording (72)
Bad sleep, ok wakeup.
Woke up in the middle of the night, about 2:30 am, and had a freak out about how I’m not doing enough. I think this is a common occurrence. Whenever I’m doing well and everything in my project is firing off smoothly, I start thinking about the big picture. And I get to thinking - what if I just went all out? 

I calm myself down by thinking about what I’ve accomplished so far. I’ve been meditating for over two years - something I was never able to do with consistency before. I’ve written rough drafts of the last two novels during NaNoWriMo like it was nothing - and in record time. I’ve been rowing - a relatively new habit - for (and I just realized this) 6 months!

Every success I’ve had - from doing my first full bridge to finishing my first class in over a decade - has been because of regularity, because I’ve taken things slow but steady. And every time I’ve gone backwards or yo-yo’d, it’s been because I’ve followed that vortex - that emotional urge to do it all.

Once I got my head screwed on straight I went back to sleep at around 4:30 am. I over slept, but as Lydia reminds me, I’m not focusing on the sleep thing now. One thing at a time, one step at a time. It might seem slow, but a sure thing is always better - and often faster -  than wasting time perennially repeating a chance of success.

That’s just something I have to hold on to.