Day 374

Day 374 Record Keeping
Day 343 Fixed Meditation (brought up neg emot to quell - HARD)
Day 289 Bodyweight Exercise (3 rounds tabata FAILURE - HARD)
Day 216 Writing (research writing - 112 words - HARD)
Day 389 Eating = 83
Day 24 Dynamic Meditation = 71 (1 hour)
Great sleep, slow wakeup. 

Dynamic Med Notes (1 hour):
x9 fidgeting
x4 arising caught
x1 not caught - dissatisfaction with the moment
x4 laughter
Notes: So much of my fidgeting happens so quickly - flickering through my mind almost instantly - a lot of it comes from compassion. Not compassion, but immediately putting myself in someone else’s shoes and feeling the nervousness of OTHER people. It’s interesting how closely some of these ideas abut next to each other - In Buddhism mehta - compassion - can be used to bust out of negative feelings towards another person. But extreme compassion that’s uncontrolled can also cause me to take on the nervousness of other people. That’s why I like using compassion not as just an uncontrolled emotion but as a technical tool used for specific purposes. 

The ideal in all of this to keep even keeled so I can be the best I can be. That “best” means not dragging myself into anger of the assholery of another person. It also means not being dragged into putting myself in other people’s shoes and taking on their nervousness or whatnot.