Day 364

Day 364 Record Keeping
Day 333 Fixed Meditation (single pointed)
Day 279 Bodyweight Exercise (bridges)
Day 206 Writing (a lot of editing)
Day 379 Eating = 76
Day 136 Work = PAUSED
Day 14 Dynamic Meditation = 57 (50 min)
Great sleep, great wakeup.
Was very charged to break out of plateaus. Did something difficult in each of the things I’ve been slacking in. I did single pointed meditation - several sets. I really worked hard on my bridging, trying to get up to the flexibility I had in the past. I managed to do a walk down wall bridge, and then walked back up (I haven’t been able to do this as well since I was traveling and got sick). And I did a lot of editing to get a work article ship shape to publish.
My work habit is paused - I have this thing at work, and it may be that I won’t be able to do that particular work anymore. But, as Lydia said, this is a Good Thing. I’ve been struggling with it, and I really want to get my pitch, write, edit cycle down pat. And this is something I fear a lot - Pressfield says that your fears point to true north - those are things you need to be working and battling at the MOST. For me, that’s my writing habit.
I’ve decided to take it like this - if I have my work habit - great. If not, there’s plenty of stuff I can be attacking, and I’ll drop it no problem with no guilt, anxiety, or worry.

Dynamic Med Notes (50 min):
x5 fidgeting
X3 tension
x4 jealousy
x1 sadness
x5 not laughter so much as satisfaction - SATISFACTION that’s REALLY IMPORTANT!
x6 the opposite dissatisfaction with the moment
Staying with it but control and observation is difficult really bounce back from one to the other. As I observe it’s almost amusing, like an old friend. Turbulence, starting falling into the emotions,tired from the work, at the end it fizzled out.


That last bit probably made no sense. What I meant was that I’m starting to see these arisings as generalities. So instead of lip picking, finger flicking, etc it’s just “fidgeting.” At the same time there are a lot of little subtle different emotions that arise that are just generally “unsatisfaction with the moment.” When I realize recognize that, I surge into satisfaction, or laughter. What I called laughter before is better summed up now is intense satisfaction - this is important because in Buddhism what is translated as “suffering” is better translated as the unsatisfactoriness of experience.

The two emotions started bouncing back and forth. I felt unsatisfaction, then made it satisfactory, and became almost like an old friend - like hey, I knew that was coming, and there was a certain amusement that arose.

maybe it’s key to just do it in that manner - just recording satisfaction and non satisfaction, and whenever I’m just not paying attention - that’s how this practice fizzled out, I just had amnesia and forgot to continue monitoring my mind.