Day 35, Second Day of Meditation

Record Keeping SRHI = 57
Fixed Meditation SRHI = 17
Dynamic Meditation SRHI = 40
Good sleep, bleary wakeup, high carb day yesterday

Well things have been going really well so far. The first thing I noticed was that there was a jump in my Record Keeping SRHI. My internet was down this morning so I didn’t immediately do the task. And I felt this nagging sensation that I was incomplete - so of course all the questions regarding “feeling weird if you don’t do the task” got higher scores.

The second thing was that there was a HUGE jump in my Dynamic Meditation SRHI, from 12 to 40. I was wondering if doing a “continual habit” would have this affect, and it certainly did on the scale. I do this task throughout the day so frequency questions got a high score, as did questions regarding the automatic quality of the task.

And that was one of the big things I took away from yesterday’s Dynamic Meditation. I am starting to, very quickly, do this automatically and I wonder if this can be applied to other habits of instance - tasks you do only once a day. 

I recorded 51 instances of negative emotion yesterday, and this was definitely a low number since I went out and didn’t bring a pen to record individual instances during that time.

Here are some things I learned

1. Facing Fear takes a lot out of me, but the process starts to gain a momentum of its own.

2. I have problems being present in a moment. For example, I had to watch a video for a course I’m taking - I immediately started searching for something else to do because the teacher wasn’t going fast enough for me. I countered by using vase breathing to tune into calmness and being present

3. I worry a lot about not doing what I should be doing from an outsider’s perspective judging me. That is, I imagine what another person would think of me, and I find myself wanting in that person’s eyes, then I start worrying about it. 

4. Maybe it’s because of the frequent nature of this exercise, but I"m getting good at it fast. There are many instances (especially with anger and exasperation) where I noticed that I either nipped it immediately after the emotion, right at the bud, or even a few cases where it was before the emotion fully blossomed - I just caught it before I went down that path. This is really awesome.

And here’s the breakdown for anyone who cares - I’m going to do the breakdown initially and then stop later - but I think it’s important to do this in order to spot patterns.


Fear 4
1 invoicing
1 new article idea
1 coursera course video
1 watching other coursework videos online

Anxiety 14
1 Sadness of issues covered in a tv show
2 of being judged by other people
5 Tension in neck
1 lip picking
2 general worry of what i should be doing next 
1 oh my god its 12:30 i haven’t done anything
2 watching a video and fiddling, feeling like I needed to do something else

Notes: Lots of issues regarding the need to be productive.

Pessimistic Thinking 8

3 what if I’m being too presumptuous in sending a friend a link
2 Fear of potential reasons why someone is not emailing me back for a work thing
1 email - what fresh hell awaits me now
2 thinking about how i’m not doing enough to enjoy the outdoors 

Notes: Many issues regarding other people judging me.

Anger 23
1 jealousy of Facebook post - how the hell did she get to do that it’s not fair!
1 at how little i’m being paid by a client
1 gross incompetence of a person I’m working with
4 exasperation at slow internet - caught it before all 4 times!
2 kitchen anger  caught it before! X1
1 Anger at not bringing my id when i needed it when going out
2 fit of anger and frustration at my work industry- caught it before!
2 interruption of a video I was watching
4 annoyance of speakers milking presentations - caught it at the moment! x1, nipped it right at the bud x1
3 exasperation of bad teaching in a video nipped it in the bud 1 time nipped before
2 Facebook anger - nipped before x1 ! Nipped immediately x1

Notes: Amazing how much anger comes from the internet

Affected by Other people’s mood 2