Record Keeping SRHI = 51 Day 34
Fixed Meditation SRHI = 13 Day 2
Dynamic Meditation SRHI = 12 Day 1
So today’s post involves lots and lots of stuff about what I’m calling Dynamic Meditation or Dynamic Emotional Control.
I made brief notes every time I had to stop worrying, relax, etc. In yesterday’s post I provided several instances- Fear, Worry/Anxiety, That Gaping Hole, Depression/Sadness, Anger, Guilt and Pessimistic Thinking. I added a section on obsessiveness (checking and rechecking email) which on second glance I’m lumping with Worry. I also added a section on Not Being Affected by Other People’s Emotions (that’s a long one to capitalize!).
1. Overall it felt like a game, and an awesome game where I always win.
2. I recorded 39 instances throughout the day, and this is probably a low figure. Actually recording them made me sharply realize how necessary this is and how amazing this habit will be for changing myself for the better. But not changing myself as in “I’m a person who works out every day” but rather changing the fundamental baseline matrix of who I am as a person and how I internally react to life. I cannot stress this enough.
3. As the day went on and trends presented themselves it got easier to cut off trains of thought before they started turning negative.
4. While I had a set of techniques in place, most problems were solved by willing it away. I was surprised at this. I just refused to walk those corridors in my mind, and most of the time that was enough.
5. Times where it wasn’t enough included Fear and Anxiety. For Anxiety I would do spot checks on my shoulders, breathe deeply and relax. For Fear I would do the task I felt fearful of. This last one was really difficult, but I almost felt myself searching for another task I could do that I feared like it was a game where my character would get stronger by facing a harder boss.
6. This was incredibly difficult. We all have this assumption that emotions are weather and we have to just get soaked, riding out the storm. By doing this I proved to myself that I can change the weather itself. But it’s such a uphill battle because I’m so used to living at the mercy of my initial emotional reactions. Stepping back and controlling it is such an alien concept to me and runs counter to my habits.
7. I was incredibly successful. There were only a few instances where worry would gnaw at me and I couldn’t make it go away. This surprised the hell out of me, and I’m not expecting this to be the case in the future. I didn’t have to deal with a day of crippling depression, which does happen, and I’m eager to see how this works on one of those days. Nor did I have to deal with a frustrating work problem or confrontation, which will test me even more, as I have issues with these.
8. This is one of those cases where recording it all forced me to step back. This backs up my idea that record keeping is a huge help in this endeavor.
9. This is the first time I felt a glimpse of true freedom.