Day 1092 & Failure to Start Protocol & Flushing the System

Day 1092 Record Keeping
Day 1064 Fixed Meditation (10 min)
Day 938 Writing (DID NOT DO)
Day 478 Rowing (walking, 1 hour)
Day 219 Mobility/Stretching (10 min, hip stretch, back smash)

Early to Rise
Day 247 Sleep Recording  (12:30|(6-8)|11:45)
Day 218 Bedtime Curfew (DID NOT DO)
Day 56 Wakeup Alarm

Horrendous sleep, horrible wakeup. Cycled with depression throughout the day, failure to start writing. BUT, I skipped my writing to get outside to attempt to change my mood, eat to restore whatever stores I had, and ended up doing everything else.

Failure to Start Protocol & Flushing the System

I really want to have a protocol of some sort where, after a cut off point, I come to terms with this failure to start, and then stop and eat or go out into the sunshine or continue the rest of my routine in order to get the ball rolling. A Failure to Start Protocol. I think this would prevent me from wasting hours procrastinating yet stuck in a holding pattern of needing to do the first segment of my routine.

I was mentioning to Lydia that I seem to be emotionally cycling a lot these days, which I consider a pattern that occurs sometime after starting new challenges. Or it’s when it’s cold and dark. Or it’s when I’m in the middle of a slog and I’m not really pushing something, so I feel like I’m not getting anywhere in life while at the same not enjoying the world around me. Like habit hamster in his wheel.

She said I should really take these moments to resurrect dynamic meditation, which for one glorious week in Brazil lead me to one of the happiest places mentally in at least a decade.

That’s not a bad idea - sort of like flushing the system after I’ve blown it out or gunked it up (I know, I really like the engine metaphor). 

There are some problems with both of these ideas. It’s really hard to know when you’ve been dithering - it’s not a really conscious process, it’s just something I find myself doing. Also the primary problem with my dynamic meditation was that I didn’t have a really good way to record it. I think both can be overcome, but right now I’ll let the ideas marinate for a bit.