A Breakdown of Day 1 Emotional Dynamic Control

Here’s my list from day 1 with a few notes:

Relaxing /nervousness - 14
9  tension in shoulders (one from working through my fear)
1 picking at my lip
1 tension in shoulders regarding proper upload of  contest
3 at responding to a work email - this is filling me with recurring tension
Notes: Deep breathing, conscious relaxing of muscles are the techniques I used. Deep yogic vase breathing did the trick (eventually).


Anger - 8
1 an interruption when watching a show
1 reading about the successes of an industry competitor and starting to think they were unjustified
2 of a glitch preventing me from downloading a work thingy
1 general exasperation at slow internet
1 exasperation at slow internet for a photography contest entry
2 accounts of exasperation for a kitchen glitch
Notes: A surprising amount of anger issues regarding the internet. There was one instance of an internet glitch where I actually caught it before the fact. The only technique I used was willing it away - I refused to get angry. Worked well. Also this combats the “resource limited” mentality I have. The successes of others don’t rob you of your success - your successes come from buckling down and thinking about what’s in front of you, and if you look at others, be happy for them and learn from them without rancor.

Fear 3
1 article that needed writing and editing
1 opening the online files necessary to watch videos for a Coursera course
1 starting to write another article
Notes: I’m afraid of writing, that I knew. But this isn’t about finishing a task, it’s about adjusting that initial reaction so that instead of procrastinating, I face it by starting it. I didn’t finish either but I immediately started both when I felt that familiar fear and the urge to procrastinate rising. I’m also surprisingly fearful of looking at coursework for no reason. That fear dissipates the moment I open the necessary files - it’s just a couple of seconds that makes the world of difference.

That Gaping Hole

Guilt/“maybe I should’ve done otherwise"  7

4 People seeing I’m being lazy and not working even though I don’t need to be
2 times of feeling guilty for taking a nap
1 maybe I shouldn’t have followed up again with a work email
Notes: I blame my Asian parents for this one, haha. I feel like I should give a show of productivity even when I don’t have to. People who are  well adjusted confident people don’t care - I should own my laziness. The ‘maybe I should have/shouldn’t have” over past events is constant. It’s already done and it’s in the past - move on.

Negative, pessimistic thinking - 7
3 opening my work email and thinking “what fresh hell awaits" 
1 self image thing
1 thinking about the worst case scenario for a work thing
1 grumbling about the state of my industry
1 starting to get angry at what the majority of people think is popular on reedit
Notes: A lot of "railing against the majority” sentiments. Again, refusing to go down that path worked. One guy has a great exercise for the “what fresh hell awaits” email thing - imagine three things that would normally happen. Then imagine three absolutely ridiculously one in a million chance of good things. At the very least it makes you laugh thinking about how ridiculous it is, but at the same time how awesome it would be.