I have uncovered a pattern in my urges lately. I have been meditating as I lie in bed about to fall asleep. I’ve been doing some sort of exercise in the afternoons (biking or basketball). I’ve even had strong urges to do casual reading on marketing and do some fun writing in the evening.
I’ve been thinking a lot about regimentation. Specifically about tasks that are absorptive yet fun that will take me away from worrying about my daily habits - yet most of the tasks are almost mirroring my beginning day tasks. It’s almost as though I’m subconsciously bookending the end of the day to reflect the beginning.
One explanation is that I’m grasping. I’m clenching at tasks and using regimentation as an excuse to worry through doing the same tasks again.
But I really didn’t notice this as a pattern at all until late last night. I was wondering how weird it would be (and what the repercussions would be) if I doubled down on habits per day. Then I realized - I kind’ve already do it!
I have no idea what this means. And I might actually try to double down in a day and see how it affects my endurance reserves throughout the week. We’ll see.