Completely Stalled Out

I’ve completely stalled out on this project. 

The first thing to get over my frustration is to realize that this is bound to occur - just like it did on 750 words - gaining a handle on anything worthwhile almost requires moments of extreme frustration and loss of focus.

Secondly, I need to remember why I’m doing this. I have a deep desire within me to master a number of skills related to several fields. To me not attempting to master these skills would be tantamount to giving up a part of who I am. I consider this integral to my identity.

Furthermore, this method of habit formation is the only way in my mind to even attempt mastery at them. I’ve seen how some people amble about, cycling enthusiastically through interests without getting anywhere with any of them long term. Hell, that’s how I’ve been most of my life. I’ve seen books that talk about how you can learn a skill in 20 hours or some other short time - to me this isn’t mastery or habit formation.  I want the beast itself not some simulation of it. Therefore this is the only way to go.

Thirdly, I need to know why I failed. I failed for good reasons - moving countries, a death of a close friend, a very long illness, depression, etc. But everyone has reasons. A reason doesn’t magically make it all better. 

Fourthly I need to know what to do now. For me one of the biggest problems was not being able to record my items of habituation. Recording is important because it keeps one level of distance away from the grind of doing a habit - it also keeps you motivated and is a constant reminder of what you need to do for course correction.

My records were shoddy - I would record some days - I would leave swaths unrecorded and then recover my info later and quickly instead of giving the process its due. Recording my habit keeps me in touch with the entire project and keeps it real for me. Looking back, I’ve had problems with record keeping since the beginning, and this got worse as the habit formation got harder - which is not a good thing. Recording - seeing the swath of days where I kept the habit vs not kept the habit is the seat of change for this entire project. 

Also in that vein I need to write more on this blog. I think I haven’t been doing so because I want to keep it blog like - I want to get a picture and keep it short - but the truth is the purpose of this blog is like the record keeping - it keeps me in touch with the project. A picture isn’t needed, it’s extra, as is a bite sized blog post of 200 words, or paying attention to spelling and grammar. What is necessary is note keeping for the project, so I can look back and know what was going on week to week and how I can learn from it.